


Things Have Changed For Me

by tay_tay19



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24277615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tay_tay19/pseuds/tay_tay19
Summary: He wanted to quit swimming. He found no joy in it without Rin. It was Haru who made him keep with it. Sousuke had turned his resignation into the captain and headed home. Haru showed up right after him and he ripped up the resignation letter and reminded Sousuke that Rin would have done the same. Rin would yell at him, Haru didn’t though. He sat with Sousuke and they both pretended they didn’t see each other's tears. Sousuke did not quit swimming.
Relationships: Matsuoka Gou/Mikoshiba Seijuurou, Matsuoka Rin/Yamazaki Sousuke, Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto, Shigino Kisumi/Shiina Asahi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been obsessed with SouRin lately so I figured I'd give it a try.

Four years ago Sousuke was starting to figure out his way in the world. He’d had surgery on his shoulder that was pretty successful and he’d taken his first steps towards getting back on the path to becoming a professional swimmer. Despite the year he took off school he was accepted to Hidaka university and onto their swim team. He’d found a small apartment in Tokyo and a part time job. He had friends that he could spend time with, friends that cared about him. On top of everything else he had Rin, in a way. They weren’t always together. Rin was still living in Australia but their friendship had changed, become more.

Every time he returned to Japan he’d stay with Sousuke. His belongings left behind at the end of the trip took up more and more space and though he complained about it Sousuke actually loved it. Because even with Rin thousands of miles away there were always little reminders of him, his clothes mixed in with Sousuke’s in the closet, a pair of shoes by the door, hair ties popping up in every nook and cranny, his toothbrush remaining in the cup next to the sink. They talked as much as they could while they were apart too. Text messages and phone calls, they still sent handwritten letters back and forth and Sousuke would send Rin care packages with all his favorite snacks and products that he missed when he was overseas.

They didn’t really talk about what it was that they had become though. Sousuke hadn’t really thought that they needed to. They just fit together so perfectly, they were happy. Rin had been the first one to cross the line from friendship to more. He’d shown up on Sousuke’s doorstep one day, without telling anyone that he was coming to Japan, and instead of giving an explanation or even a hello he had grabbed onto Sousuke’s shirt and kissed him then declared that he’d be staying there for a week. The transition was easy. Rin had always craved touch and now that they’d become more he didn’t need to make excuses for how much he hung onto Sousuke. If they sat next to each other he would tuck himself against Sousuke’s side and tug the other man’s arm over his shoulders, at night they’d tangle together in the bed. Even out in public he wasn’t afraid to hang on Sousuke’s arm or intertwine their fingers. Sousuke had loved every second of it. 

But all of that was four years ago, before Rin’s disappearance. No one knows what happened. He had been in Japan, spending the holidays with Sousuke and his sister. Things had been fine, great even. They had talked about their future together, about Rin returning to Japan for good, moving in together. When Sousuke had dropped Rin off at the airport he’d felt lighter than normal. They’d hugged at the entrance of the security lane and Rin had insisted he wasn’t crying as he rubbed his tears into Sousuke’s sweater. They texted until Rin was boarding the plane. Sousuke had gone home to his apartment and went to sleep. He expected to get a text when Rin landed safely but it never came. 

Rin did not return to his home in Australia. He did not show up for his training. He did not answer any calls or text messages sent by anyone. He was just gone. Sousuke went to Australia with Gou, Haru, and Makoto but they found no signs. The police investigated but other than some security footage of Rin buying a coffee in the airport there was nothing. They kept searching. Time went on and no clues came up. Reluctantly they returned to Japan.

The news stations had picked up the story, for weeks Rin’s image was plastered on newspapers and TVs. The whole world was looking for the 19 year old swimmer, but nothing helped. A few false sightings were reported here and there but nothing substantial. Sousuke stayed at his apartment. His life became an endless cycle, school, swimming, work, searching. He spent his free time searching, checking sightings, his phone always clutched in his hand. He sent texts to Rin’s phone and called him regularly. His phone stayed on but eventually his voicemail was filled. Sousuke had never felt so lost in his life.

He wanted to quit swimming. He found no joy in it without Rin egging him on. He was wasting precious time that he could be searching. It was Haruka who made him keep with it. Sousuke had turned his resignation into the captain and headed home, somehow Haru beat him there. He ripped up the resignation letter and reminded Sousuke that Rin would have done the same. Rin would yell at him. Haru didn’t though. He sat with Sousuke and they both pretended they didn’t see each other's tears. Sousuke did not quit swimming. 

Time kept moving forward. The world forgot about Rin and the sightings stopped coming in. His friends did not forget. Sousuke did not forget. He was stuck in his daily cycle. He finished school. He made it onto the national swim team with Haru. He swam on the global level, for Rin. Sometimes he dreamed of his bed shifting under another person's weight and lips pressed against his own. A familiar kiss. Waking up alone is hard after those dreams. Sometimes during the day he’ll be in a crowd and see a flash of red, he never finds anything. 

Their friends make sure to keep in regular contact with him, no matter how much Sousuke attempts to push them away. They push their way into the apartment and they don’t mention Rin’s belongings that still sit where they were left. They make noise and bring food and drinks and they pass out on the floor. Sometimes, it makes Sousuke feel like everything is going to be okay. Sometimes, it makes his heart ache. 

Four years passed that way and Sousuke can barely remember them. A week after new years Haru shows up on his doorstep with take out in one hand and a bag full of alcohol in the other, just like he does every year. It's different this time though, there’s a silver engagement ring on his left ring finger. Sousuke lets him into the apartment and they sit on the floor in the living room eating the food and getting started on the drinks.

“It’s about time.” Sousuke says, pointing his chopsticks at Haru’s hand. Haru smiles.

“He proposed at midnight on new years.” He says with a fond eye roll.

“It’s Makoto, did you expect him to not be sappy and cliche about it?” Sousuke pours himself another drink. “Congratulations, by the way.”

“Thanks.” his eyes drop to his hands and he turns them, the ring catching the light. “Have you... Have you seen anyone?”

“No.” Sousuke looks out the window wishing that it would snow. “It feels… wrong. He’s still out there. We’re still together.” 

“Do…” Haru chews his lip and twists his fingers on his lap. “Do you ever see him? Or… or feel like he’s watching you?”

Sousuke lets out a slow breath and turns to regard his friend carefully. He’s trying to keep his expression blank but Sousuke has spent enough time around Haru now to be able to see little hints of what he’s really feeling. The way his eyes bore into the ground, how tightly he grips his own fingers. 

“I dream about him.” Sousuke admits, “I dream that he comes here in the night and kisses me. Sometimes.... It feels like his belongings in the apartment move around, his toothbrush isn’t sitting just the way it had been the day before, or a hair tie will show up where it hadn’t been. I know… I know it’s just my imagination. My brain wanted to see him so bad it makes stuff up.”

“I was at the pool the other day… after hours. I was swimming and I just… I was sure that he was there. Like I saw this flash of red when my head came out of the water but when I stood up to look there was no one else there…” Haru admits, “It's not the first time either…” 

They sit in silence again, until the food and the alcohol are gone and they’re too drunk to talk about anything. Too drunk to even think. Haru sends a text to tell Makoto where he is and then he drags himself onto the couch to pass up. Sousuke stumbles to his bedroom and falls into bed without changing his clothes.

He dreams, his bed shifts as someone moves over his. A familiar voice whispers his name, chastising him for drinking so much and sleeping in his clothes. Sousuke mumbles an apology, his voice slurred with sleep and alcohol. Lips press against his forehead and fingers work the button on his shirt open. Sousuke smiles and opens his eyes just a bit. The hands on his chest still and glowing red eyes meet his gaze. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta so I apologize for any mistakes.

Sousuke wakes with a jolt. His skin is slick with sweat despite the chill in the air and his heart races in his chest. He tries to cling to the last tendrils of his dream but sleep slips away from him and as he wakes up more he regrets ever having taken a drink in his life. His mouth's as dry as the desert and his head feels like it's been hit by a hammer. Groaning he rolls onto his stomach. 

A loud knock comes from the front door and he groans as the sound bounces around his head. He drags himself out of the bed and looks around wondering where his shirt might have gotten to. The knock comes again and Sousuke curses as he goes out to the living room. It’s afternoon already and Haru is still passed out on the couch, curled up under a spare blanket. Sousuke hurries to open the door before it makes any more noise. 

“Good morning Sousuke!” Makoto yells with a grin on his face. Sousuke winces and shoots a glare at him. “Do you happen to have my fiance in there?” 

“Fucking a…” Sousuke shuffles back into the living room leaving the door open. Makoto comes inside and slips his shoes off. 

“Here wake up” Makoto takes a cup out of the drink tray he carries and holds it out. Sousuke smells the coffee now and his mouth is nearly watering as he takes the cup. Makoto chuckles and goes over to the couch. He puts the carrier on the table then kneels beside Haru’s head. He takes a deep breath and Sousuke covers his ears.

“Good morning Haru-chan!” He yells. The man on the couch lets out a long sigh and stretches his arms above his head before he opens his eyes with a smile.

“Morning Makoto” 

“Are you not hungover?” Sousuke flops down onto a chair and closes his eyes, his ears still ringing from Mako’s shout. 

“I drank enough water.” Haru takes the cup that Makoto offers him and presses a kiss to his fiance’s cheek. 

“You didn’t come home last night.” Makoto scolds him, “You should have texted me.”

“I’m sorry love I thought I did.” Haru looks around then reaches over the armrest to pull his phone off the charger. Sousuke closes his eyes and listens to their chatter for a few minutes while he tries to relax. He doesn’t have any work today but he should probably get over to the pool at some point.

“Oh I guess I texted Rin on accident….” Haru admits after checking his messages. Sousuke opens his eyes at that and finds both Makoto and Haru looking at him. 

“What’d you send him?” Sousuke lifts his cup to his lips and tries to act casual. 

“He drunk texted him.” Makoto says, taking the phone from Haru “Gong sleep wiff sous not you.” 

“That… is not what I meant to text.” Haru mumbles. “I was trying to text you that I was staying at Sousuke’s house.” 

“I don’t know.” the green-eyed man muses, “you sleep here a lot maybe I should be worried.”

“Oh please Sousuke would be a lot less grumpy if he was getting any.” Haru rolls his eyes. Sousuke takes a large sip of his coffee and tries not to think about it. Four years is a long time. 

“Thanks for not kicking him out Sousuke.” Makoto stands up and holds a hand out to Haruka. “We’ve gotta get home.” 

“Sure. See you at practice later Haruka” Sousuke waves. Haru narrows his eyes at him then lets out a sigh. 

“I guess. Thanks for the blanket last night… It was freezing but I was too tipsy to get up and get it” Haru folds up the blanket he’d been using and sets it on the back of the couch. Sousuke furrows his brow and stares at the blanket. He doesn’t remember anything after going to his bedroom. 

“I think tipsy was a bit of an understatement.” He teases. 

“Yeah well I’ll be sure to let Seijuro know about your hangover.” Haru makes sure Makoto isn’t looking then sticks his tongue out before hurrying out of the apartment. The small action reminds him of Rin and Sousuke has to close his eyes for a few moments before he can get up.

When he’s ready to move again he gets up and shuffles to the bedroom, looking around for where his shirt could have ended up last night. The simple black button-up was one of his only nice shirts, a gift from Rin years ago. He’d gotten into the habit of wearing it on the anniversary. He gives up the search after a few minutes and turns to the task of making his bed instead. It’s not like he could have gotten too far while drunk last night so he’s sure the shirt will turn up eventually. As he shakes out the blanket on his bed to try and turn it the right way a hair tie falls to the floor. He lets out a long sigh.

“How are there still so many of these damn things” grumbling he picks it up and slips it onto his wrist to finish making the bed. He doesn’t mind it really. The little reminders that Rin had existed in this apartment. That they had shared so many happy moments together. Rin might have had a habit of leaving the hair ties laying out but Sousuke is partially to blame as well. Playing with Rin’s hair had been one of his favorite things and he’d taken the hair ties out himself often enough. He’d usually just drop them wherever they happened to be at the time. Sousuke tries not to think about it so much. He moves around the apartment cleaning up the mess he’d made with Haru the night before. 

He slips into the kitchen and goes to make himself some coffee only to find that the pot has already been started. He figures that Makoto must have turned it on while they were on their way out and he makes a note to thank him the next time they meet up. Sousuke grabs himself a mug from the cabinet and fills it with coffee before he leans up against the counter. He tries not to drink as much as he used to, right after Rin disappeared he’d gotten into a bad habit of getting drunk at every chance he had. He’d spent months just lost in a haze of alcohol. It had been Gou that had pulled him out of it in the end. She’d showed up at Sousuke’s apartment one day and declared that as her brother-in-law he was responsible for helping her settle in the city. Sousuke hadn’t been able to refuse. 

The door of the apartment bursts open, the sound of it bounces around Sousuke’s skull. He winces a bit and regrets ever having made extra keys. Because as much as he loves Gou like a little sister he does not approve of her choice of men and her choice to let said man have access to his spare key.

“Rise and shine Yamazaki!” Seijuro yells as he hastily kicks off his shoes and comes into the apartment. 

“Fuck off Mikoshiba.” He grumbles into his coffee. The red-haired man laughs loudly as he stomps his way into the kitchen. Sousuke isn’t sure he’s ever been quiet about anything. “Can’t you wait until practice to harass me?”

“You know I can’t say no to any request my little cutie makes. She asked that I check on you.” 

“Well clearly I’m fine now leave… quietly.” Sousuke knows that he’s not going to listen so he doesn’t argue as Seijuro grabs a mug and pours some coffee for himself.

“You know she just worried,” 

“I’m fine. Haru was here. Makoto came to fetch him already.” he drinks some of his coffee and wonders if he’d be able to return to his dream if he went back to sleep now.

“Do you really blame her for worrying anyway? You and Haru were both pretty fucked up for a while. It’s hard on everyone when the anniversary comes around… Hell even I feel like I still see him around.” Seijuro admits. Sousuke freezes for a moment, staring into his mug. 

“What do you mean?” He asks, trying to keep his voice casual.

“I mean like… I think I see him in crowded places? I’m sure it's just like someone that looks similar and my brains playing tricks on me. Oh like last week me and Gou went out to this new club and while we were dancing I felt like someone was glaring at me and when I looked I swore I saw Rin’s eyes. You know he always got so pissed when I hit on Gou in high school.” 

“Yeah… right.” Sousuke thinks of his dream. Glowing red eyes gazing down at him. Rin’s eyes. Is it normal for multiple people to all see the same things? Haru thinking that RIn’s watching him swim, Seijuro getting glared at while he was probably dancing inappropriately with Gou. Does anyone else have moments like that? 

“Really Sousuke are you gonna be okay?” Seijuro’s face softens a bit and he puts a hand on Sousuke’s shoulder. Sousuke closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh. 

“I’m fine Mikoshiba. Last night was rough for Gou too I'm sure. Go be with her. I’m gonna head down to the pool for a while.” 

“Alright. But seriously, I know I’m no replacement for your best friend but if you need to talk about anything or just want to hang give me a call.” Seijuro squeezes his shoulder before chugging his coffee and dropping the mug in the sink.

“Give my key back to Gou.” Sousuke reminds him, trying to keep all of his emotions off his face. 

“This one’s mine I copied hers.” the red-haired swimmer shoots him a grin before leaving the apartment. Sousuke hopes that Gou comes to her senses and dumps that annoyance soon. He cleans up the kitchen and then drags himself to the bedroom to get changed. 


	3. Chapter 3

Sousuke is the last one at the pool. It’s rare but he needed the time alone today. Lately he’s felt like he’s going crazy. He keeps seeing hints of Rin everywhere he goes. Every night he dreams of his boyfriend and the pain of waking up alone in the bed leaves him feeling drained. So he decided to stay after their practice today. He needed the alone time to just try and sort out his feelings. 

The lights turn off after a while, but still Sousuke doesn’t bother to get out of the water. The light from the moon comes in through the glass ceiling and illuminates the pool. Sousuke closes his eyes as he floats. He used to think that Haru was weird, how he always talked about the water like it was alive, but the more time he spent swimming with the other man the more he began to understand. The water felt like home now. 

Sousuke’s eyes burn with unshed tears and he blinks them back as he stares at the ceiling. He’d wanted to be swimming with Rin. He’d worked so hard to recover from his injury so that he could swim side by side with Rin. Now he’d reached the global level but Rin wasn’t here with him. What was the point when his reason for swimming was gone?

“Don’t you dare quit you bastard,” A voice echoes through the room. Sousuke stands up quickly and looks around. His eyes scanning the darkened room. It was Rin’s voice. It could only be Rin’s voice. 

“Rin?” he calls out. His voice echoing back is the only sound. Sousuke sighs and lets himself sink under the water. Now he’s hearing things on top of everything else. He wonders if this is normal, if people who lose a loved one imagine things as much as he does. 

There’s movement on the edge of the pool and Sousuke watches it. He wonders if it’s real or if he’s seeing things again. A hand dips into the water and Sousuke watches it until his lungs are about to burst. He reaches out and takes a hold of the hand, letting himself be pulled up to the surface. Haru tilts his head to the side a bit and regards Sousuke curiously. 

“Ah… No wonder Makoto is always worried about me.” Haru murmurs, “I thought you might be drowning.” 

“You thought I was drowning and you only stuck your hand in the water?” Sousuke sighs and pulls himself out to sit on the edge beside the other swimmer.

“I knew you’d take my hand,” Haru shrugs, he sits and slides his feet into the water, “If I got into the water I wouldn’t want to get out and then I’d be home late.” 

“Well… Thanks I guess. Why’d you come back to the pool?”

“I thought you might be overworking yourself again.” Haru looks him over and pokes a finger at the scar left on his shoulder from his surgery. Sousuke makes a face and rubs at his shoulder, feeling phantom traces of the pain that used to be there. 

“Yeah right, RIn would kill me if I let myself get hurt again… and he’d cry. I don’t wanna be the reason he cries ever again.” Sousuke stares at the water rippling around his and Haru’s legs. 

“It’s not your fault Sousuke… That he went missing.” Haru mumbles. 

“Isn’t it? I was… He didn’t want to go back to Australia. He’d told me that he wanted to stay with me. But I... “ Sousuke kicks the water, mad at himself, “I told him he had to go. That he couldn’t just quit. He… asked if I was making excuses because I didn’t want to live with him,”

“Rin was a stubborn idiot,” Haru says fondly.

“Is. Rin IS a stubborn idiot,” Sousuke grips the edge of the pool tightly. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, He knows that Rin is out there somewhere. He’s not dead. Haru places a hand gently on top of the other swimmers and gets him to loosen his grip. Sousuke turns his head away from him, trying to hide his tears. Haru holds his hand and makes sure not to look at him. Sousuke covers his mouth with his free hand to stifle the sobs trying to escape.

“We aren’t going to have a big wedding… “ Haru says softly, “Just our friends and family in Iwatobi.” 

“That suits you guys.” Sousuke wipes at his eyes furiously.

“Yeah… So… I guess I need to pick a best man… I figure that you’d make the least fuss about it.” Haru gives his hand a soft squeeze. They both know that Sousuke wouldn’t be his first choice. It should be Rin. 

“Yeah sure… I guess I can.” he shrugs.

“Okay… Come on. Makoto said he’d make us dinner.” Haru stands up and tugs on Sousuke’s hand, pulling him to his feet. 

“It better not be mackerel.” Sousuke lets go of Haru’s hand and ruffles his hair before heading for the changing room. Haru follows him with a scowl as he tries to fix his hair.

“He loves me so it will be.” 


	4. Chapter 4

“Look I think we need to rethink this. It’s Haru he’s not going to want a classic bachelor party.” Sousuke sighs and takes a deep sip of his coffee. There’s a thunk as Ikuya’s head hits the table.

“Can’t we just rent out a pool or something? It’s literally the only thing Haru likes.” Asahi whines.

“We can’t just rent him a pool that’ll be too boring. We have to make it really good.” Sousuke reminds them. 

“How about we rent a pool and hire some strippers?” Ikuya asks.

“Haru would just ignore the strippers and it’d be a waste of money.” Sousuke shakes his head. “Is he even attracted to anyone besides Makoto?” 

“Rin?” Everyone stiffens as soon as the name leaves Asahi’s lips. Sousuke doesn’t need to look up to know that both of them are staring at him now. 

“Yeah you might be right,” Sousuke looks up and smiles at them. “I used to be jealous of how close they were. One time Rin even wrote a letter to Haru and when he decided not to send it he made a few changes and sent it to me instead. But he did a bad coverup job so I figured it out. Seeing Haru swim with you guys though… I kind of got what Rin saw.” 

“God you’re all hopeless romantics aren’t you” Ikuya scoffs. 

“Oh yeah like you aren’t.” Asahi teases.

“I’m definitely not.” Ikuya insists. 

“You’re both heartless romantics. Every time we hang out you go on and on about Shigino and Tono.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with being sentimental. I bet even Haru would agree.” Asahi insists.

“Yeah he… wait. That’s it!” Sousuke yells nearly knocking his coffee off the table.

“What?” Both Ikuya and Asahi look at him.

“Haru is sentimental…. Fuck but there’s no way we’re gonna be able to do it.”

“Do what?” Ikuya asks.

“We need a lot of cherry blossoms.”

“Cherry blossoms?”

“It’s a thing Haru and Rin did for each other in high school. Rin had mentioned once that he wanted to swim in a pool full of cherry blossoms. So Haru and the others at Iwatobi invited him out there when their pool was full of them. It had been too cold to swim though. So later on Rin got all of us to fill the Samezuka pool with blossoms.” 

“When are they getting married again?” Ikuya asks.

“In a couple of months.” Sousuke finishes his coffees and sets the mug in front of Asahi, “your turn on the refills” Asahi grabs all their mugs and heads back up to the counter to get refills. Sousuke looks out the window while they wait, it’s started to snow since they got to the coffee shop. 

“I beat Rin’s record,” Ikuya says softly “when he comes back we’ll have to race again.”

“He’d want to race you,” Sousuke replies. He wonders when he started speaking for Rin so much. Filling in the roles that Rin should play, brother, best friend, rival. Was he even just himself anymore or was he the surrogate Rin. 

“He can tell me that himself when he comes back.” Sousuke looks up and meets Ikuya’s gaze. 

“Yeah… He can.” Sousuke looks back out the window, he searches the crowds for any hint of maroon hair or a familiar smile. 

“It’s just, well, you look like shit lately…”

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” Sousuke admits.

“Why not?” 

“Because… If I sleep then I wake up alone.” 

“I got the coffee!” Asahi yells as he slides into the booth bumping into Ikuya and nearly spilling all of their drinks. 

“Damn it Asahi be careful” Ikuya takes his drink then pushes Asahi to the edge of the booth. Sousuke snatches his drink before it can be spilled. 

“Ow ow, hot” Asahi whines as his own drink spills on his hand. “Stupid Ikuya”

“We’ve been here forever today guys. Why don’t we call it” Sousuke suggests, “You guys have boyfriends to get home to.”

“Oh it’s okay they know that we’re with you s-”

“It’s alright Shiina. I’m tired so I’m just gonna go home and get some sleep.” Sousuke pats his head and takes his mug to the counter to get a to-go cup. He slips on his winter jacket while he waits and pulls the hood up as he heads out into the cold. He ignores the crowds and sticks his free hand deep into his pocket trying to keep warm as he makes his way to his bus stop.

He thinks about that last visit Rin had made. They’d gone out into the snow to do some shopping. Waiting for the bus had been miserable and Rin’s coat hadn’t been heavy enough. He’d unzipped Sousuke’s coat and tucked himself inside it, his icy finger finding their way under Sousuke’s shirt. He’d jumped and complained but he’d kept Rin close. He was willing to sacrifice his own warmth to keep his boyfriend happy. Rin had looked at him with that grin on his face and Sousuke had remembered how much he loved him. 

Now he stands at the bus stop alone with too much caffeine in his system on his way home to an empty apartment. He throws his coffee into a trash can and sticks both his hands deep into his pockets. There’s a flash of maroon in the corner of his vision and Sousuke turns quickly scanning the crowd. He sees it again in the distance, someone moving away from him.

“Rin!?” He runs into the crowd, chasing that glimpse. “Rin!” He’s sure. He’s positive that it’s Rin. Sousuke runs until he can’t run anymore. He leans against a wall catching his breath. His vision blurs and he slides down to sit. “Rin. Come back…damn it.” he whispers. Four years. Four years without his boyfriend. 

Sousuke doesn’t really remember how he got home. He just knows that he gets out of the cold and he’s dropping his coat and sweater onto the floor next to the door. He stays away from the bedroom and sits on the couch staring at the wall. He doesn’t know when he falls asleep. 

Hands are massaging his shoulders in a way that makes all the tension drain out of his body. Smiling he tilts his head back against the couch. Lips brush against his forehead and words are whispered into his hair. Sousuke reaches up and runs his fingers through long strands of maroon. 

“Where you been?” He asks.

“I’ve been around,” Rin replies, pressing a kiss to his temple. “I missed you.” 

“You left me. I searched all over for you.” 

“I’m sorry Sousuke. I love you.”

“I love you too Rin. I love you so much.” 

“I know baby. I’m sorry.” Rin trails kisses across his jaw. “Come to bed. You’ll get all stiff if you sleep on the couch again.”

“The bed’s too empty love. You’re here now but when I wake up… it’ll just feel worse.” Sousuke sighs. Rin wraps his arms around Sousuke’s shoulders and presses a kiss to his neck.

“I’m sorry baby… soon. I promise.” 

“I’m so alone,” Sousuke whispers. 

The next morning Sousuke woke up alone on the couch feeling stiff. 


	5. Chapter 5

The beach will always make Sousuke think of Rin. Standing on the beach in Iwatobi makes it worse. It’s spring now, Haru and Makoto will be getting married in three days and their bachelor parties will be tomorrow night. Sousuke is staying with the Matsuoka’s, sleeping in Rin’s old room. It makes sleeping hard. So Sousuke goes to the beach at night despite the chill still in the air. 

After high school, Sousuke had taken several trips to visit Rin in Australia. On one of his last visits, they’d spent several days at the beach. Rin had wanted to teach Sousuke how to surf so they’d borrowed some boards and Rin had bought them matching wet suits. They spent the whole day out there. They were still there when the sun started to set. They’d sat on their boards side by side and Rin had placed his hand on Sousuke’s thigh ‘to keep them from drifting apart’. It had been perfect. Sousuke had never felt so in love with someone before. Rin’s skin had been warm from the sun and he tasted like saltwater. 

Sousuke walks along the edge of the water with his hands shoved in his pockets. He feels like he’s being watched but he doesn’t bother to look around. It’s almost a constant feeling of paranoia now. He assumes its probably caused by the lack of sleep. Instead he zips his old Samezuka jacket up all the way and heads away from the beach. He’ll make his way up the hill to visit Rin’s father before he goes back to the house. He’s gone there enough over the years to know the way despite the dark. 

When he reaches the gravesite he finds that he’s not alone. A familiar form stands before the grave in white skinny jeans and a black button-up that’s too big, his dark red hair tied back in a ponytail. Sousuke’s breath catches in his throat before he remembers that he’s sleep-deprived and probably still hallucinating. He stops beside the figure and kneels down to light some incense. 

“Do you hate me?” Rin asks, his voice soft. 

“No.” Sousuke stands up straight and watches the incense burn.

“You aren’t sleeping. I thought that maybe you’re trying to avoid me.” 

“What do you expect me to do Rin? If I sleep then I dream about you and if I dream about you then I wake up alone and it hurts. I want you back. The real you.” 

“Why did you want me to go back to Australia?”

“Because swimming is your dream Rin. I love you. Of course, I want you here living with me. But you were talking about just never going back without making any plans. I wanted you to make sure that you did things right.” 

“You really love me.”

“More than anything Rin.” Sousuke knows better than look at Rin. If he does that then this hallucination will end and he’ll be left standing her alone. 

“I love you too…”

“You stole my favorite shirt.” 

“I stole that jacket first.”

“I know I just found it in your closet.” 

“I’m cold. Be a good boyfriend and give it to me.” Rin holds out his hand and Sousuke laughs. He unzips the jacket and shrugs it off.

“Fine you can have it but you have to walk me home so I don’t die of hypothermia,” Sousuke hands the jacket over and tries not to let himself think about it too much as Rin takes it from him and pulls it on.

“I’ll be a proper gentleman and walk you to the door.” They both head down the hill.

“I’d prefer it if you were less of a gentleman and pinned me down in your childhood bed,” Sousuke mutters. 

“Jesus christ Sousuke. I’m trying to control myself here.” He doesn’t have to look to know that Rin’s face will be flushed red. 

“It’s been four years Rin. The last thing I want is for you to control yourself.” Sousuke rolls his eyes. Rin freezes and Sousuke stops walking a few steps ahead of him.

“You haven’t… In four years you haven’t been with anyone else?” Rin asks, and he sounds so surprised that Sousuke can’t take it anymore. He turns around and looks at Rin fully, taking in every detail. 

“I’m waiting for my boyfriend to come home.” He holds out his hand and waits. He knows that this is the part where Rin will disappear. Where he’ll wake up in bed alone or he’ll have to go back to the gravesite to get his jacket from where it’s been dropped on the ground. 

Rin surges forward and throws his arms around Sousuke’s neck, slamming their lips together. Sousuke groans and holds him tight. This is different than any of the dreams he’s had before. He can feel Rin in his arms, feel the fingers tugging on his hair, the sharp teeth tugging on his bottom lip. It all feels real. Sousuke deepens the kiss and lifts Rin up, moving them to the side of the path and pressing him against a tree. Rin wraps his legs around Sousuke’s waist and tugs his shirt up.

“God Sousuke…” Rin gasp.

“Come home with me Rin.” Sousuke drops his head onto Rin’s shoulder. He wants this so much but if it’s a one-time thing, if he has to go back and sleep in Rin’s room and wake up all alone it’ll kill him. “I’m dying without you Rin.”

“I… I can’t yet baby. I’m not… I’m not strong enough.” Rin whispers as he cards his fingers through Sousuke’s hair. 

“I’m not either.” Sousuke holds Rin close and falls to his knees. He’s shaking and he wants to cry but he’s also got Rin in his arms right now and he doesn’t know how long this is going to last. “I’m not strong enough to be alone.” 

“I have to go Sousuke…” 

“No.” Sousuke hugs him tighter and hides his face against Rin’s neck. He can’t let go. 

“You’re cold,” Rin whispers against his ear as he rubs circles on the taller man’s back.

“You took my coat.”

“It smells like you. I miss that.”

“Come home.” 

“Close your eyes Sousuke. Just relax here with me for a bit.” 

“Don’t leave me.” Sousuke closes his eyes and presses closer. Rin presses a kiss to his temple.

“Rest baby. I’ve got you,” Sousuke can’t help but fall asleep.

He wakes up not too long after. His back against the tree and a jacket that he’d thought he lost years ago draped over his shoulders. He takes a deep breath and then gets to his feet, slipping the jacket on. It smells like Rin. He walks back to the Matsuoka’s house feeling better than he has in a while. There was no way for what happened to be a dream or a hallucination. He’d held Rin, kissed Rin. If that was real then that probably meant his other sightings had been real too. If his sightings were real then he’s sure everyone else had really been seeing Rin too. If he was lurking around then there was a chance they’d all be able to draw him out if they worked together. 


	6. Chapter 6

Sousuke slept on the couch. His shoulder feels stiff and he tries not to worry about it too much as he massages it. Gou is already awake and talks to him cheerfully as she flits about the kitchen getting breakfast ready. 

“Do you ever see Rin?” Sousuke asks as he helps set the table. Gou pauses and looks at him.

“Sometimes I feel like I have.” She sighs, picking up a knife to cut some vegetables, “I wish he’d really come home… like I don’t know… I think he might really be out there. He’s so stupid. I bet he’s come up with some dumb reason that he can’t come home and he’s too stubborn to realize he’s totally wrong.” 

“That sounds like him” Sousuke sighs, “I think… I think I saw him last night.” 

“What!?” The knife falls to the floor and Gou hops away quickly to keep it from falling on her feet. 

“Sorry I shouldn’t have just spring that on you. Are you okay?” Sousuke gets up and picks up the knife.

“I’m okay Sousuke-nii. Did you really see him??” Gou’s eyes are wide, hopeful. Sousuke prays that he wasn’t wrong.

“Unless I’ve fully gone off the deep end then… It had to be him.” his lips still sting from the rough kiss. Sousuke wants another one before the stinging fades. “I just… can’t figure out why he ran off.” Didn’t he understand how much Sousuke needed him? What was still holding him back?

“But he’s…. He’s okay?” Gou asks, her voice tinged with worry. 

“I… He’s alive.” Sousuke smiles a bit, “He’s still an amazing kisser.”

“Eeeww Sousuke-nii I don’t wanna hear about that!” Gou shakes her head and gets another knife to finish cooking. “So what’s your plan?”

“What?” 

“You have a plan right? To get Onii-chan back.” 

“I… have a vague idea of a plan,” he admits. Gou smiles as she sets a plate down in front of him. 

“What is it then?” She plops down into the chair across from him and props her chin on her hand. 

“I think we’re gonna need everyone’s help. I mean it’s Rin you know how sappy he is. There’s no way he’d actually miss Haru and Makoto getting married to each other. I bet he might even show up to the bachelor party tonight.”

“Why am I not surprised that those two ended up having a joint bachelor party. Does that even count?”

“We both know you were hoping one of them would get male strippers. You’ve been watching magic mike on my amazon account.” 

“Sousuke-nii you just don’t understand the beauty of all those muscles.” 

“Weirdo” Sousuke pours himself a cup of coffee and takes a sip.

“I was bonding with Isuzu-chan. It’s important to get along with my future sister-in-law”

Sousuke chokes on his coffee and ends up spitting some of it onto the table. 

“Seijuro Mikoshiba is a dead man” he manages to wheeze out. Gou gets up to pour him a glass of water. 

“Calm down Sousuke-nii he hasn’t actually asked but it’s only a matter of time.” Sousuke takes the glass from her and chugs it then takes a few deep breaths. 

“It is like ten years too soon for you to even think about getting engaged to that bastard.” Sousuke clears his throat a few times. 

“Not all of us are lucky enough to meet our soulmates in preschool.”

“I know. I had to wait till second grade.” He sighs. 

“Oh my god, you’re hopeless.” Gou shakes her head then sits back down to eat her own breakfast. “Have you ever dated anyone else?” 

“What? Why would I?” Sousuke asks. 

“Well you and Rin have spent a lot of time apart… I mean he went to Australia and then you guys didn’t meet up again until your third year of high school. Didn’t you... date anyone in middle school? Or before you came back to Samezuka?” 

“No. It was always just Rin for me. I waited for him back then and I’ll wait again until he comes back. Because I know that he is my soulmate. No one could ever understand me as well as he does,” Sousuke smiles just a bit. “No matter how much of an idiot he is.”

“Sousuke-nii you are just as sappy as Onii-chan is. Don’t even try to deny it.” 

“Yeah probably but at least I’m not a cry baby.” Sousuke grins as he gets up and starts to clean.

“Ah Sousuke-nii stop you’re a guest here let me clean up.” 

“You can’t call me your brother and a guest in the same sentence. I’m going to clean this up and I’ll work on that fence a bit too before we head to the party.” 

“Don’t you have to go early to help set up?” Gou asks as she brings her dishes over to the sink.

“Nah, I delegated most of the stuff. Kisumi is picking up the food and Nagisa and Rei are handling the alcohol. I just have to pick up the rental van at some point. At the end of the night me and Serizawa-kun are responsible for getting everyone home safely.” 

“What about the decorating? Didn’t you have some big plans for the pool?”

“Yeah but Ren and Ran are handling gathering everything with their swim club. They wanted to be involved since Makoto has been coming to help them with their practices whenever he’s in town.” 

“Oh man I can’t wait to get to the pool and see everyone.” Gou’s eyes seem to sparkle as she pictures it.

“You’re just going to ogle everyone's muscles the whole time.” Sousuke rolls his eyes, “You know that Mikoshiba was invited too.”

“Seijuro has accepted my hobbies. Not to mention his muscles have gotten even more beautiful since we started dating.” 

“I don’t wanna hear it. That idiot’s nothing but trouble.”

“I’ve been dating him for three years now. It’s only a matter of time before he proposes,” Gou’s smile is bright, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’ve tried to mention it but he always avoids it.”

“I’ll talk to him if you want.” Sousuke offers.

“You’re not gonna threaten him are you?” 

“I’m not Rin you know. I have manners.” he rolls his eyes as he dries his hands on a towel. Gou is silent for a moment and when he turns to look at her he finds that she’s watching him with a strange look on her face. “What?”

“I know you’re not Rin. I just want you to know that I’m happy that you’re still around. You always looked out for me even when we were kids. Plus you could always get Rin to calm down when he went too far so… I’ve always seen you as a brother. It’s not just cause Rin went missing.” Sousuke smiles and pats her on the head gently. 

“I know Gou.” He goes to the living room and folds up the blanket that he used that night then puts it back into Rin’s room with the pillow. He pauses for a moment to look at the pictures stuck to Rin’s wall before changing into work clothes and going out to the garden to work on the broken fence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life.


	7. Chapter 7

Haru floats in the middle of an endless ocean. The water around him is still but he can feel it, feel it breathing, accepting him as he accepts it. His eyes are closed but he knows that if he were to open them the night sky above him would be bright with stars. A slight shift in the water brings him back to the real world. Haru is not in the middle of an endless ocean. He is floating in the dark pool at Iwatobi SC returns surrounded by cherry blossoms and animal-shaped pool floats. He is supposed to be the last one left, but he’s not alone. He can feel eyes on him, and before he even opens his own eyes he knows that he’ll find red orbs staring at him. 

“Did you come to swim or just be a stalker?” He asks the darkened room. 

“How did you know I was here?” Rin’s voice comes out of the shadows. Haru sighs and stands up. He shakes some of the water out of his hair and then faces towards the direction he thinks Rin is standing. 

“The water told me.” He shrugs. Rin scoffs as he steps closer to the pool. The moonlight falls on him and Haru sees his friend for the first time in four years. Rin wears skinny jeans and an old Samezuka jacket that’s a couple of sizes too big for him. He’s got a baseball cap on, pulled low to hide his eyes. His hair is long, tied in a ponytail that hangs over his shoulder.

“Good to see you’re still weird.” Rin teases.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Haru swims to the edge of the pool. Rin steps closer and holds out his hand.

“Hi, Haru.” He says with a hesitant smile, his sharp teeth flashing in the moonlight. Haru nods and grabs his hand. Rin starts to pull him up but instead of climbing out Haru braces his feet on the side of the pool and uses it as leverage to pull Rin down into the water. His baseball cap floats away as Rin comes to the surface sputtering. 

“What the hell Haruka.” he pushes his hair out of his face and glares. Haru just tilts his head to the side.

“I was waiting for you actually,” Haru admits. “Well we were waiting I should say.”

“We?” Rin moves away from Haru and bumps into something solid. Sousuke wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders and holds him close, partially to keep him from fleeing but mostly just to hold him. 

“Yeah, Sousuke figured you’d show up tonight.” Haru watches an inflatable dolphin float by. 

“Rin.” Sousuke sighs and drops his head to Rin’s shoulder. It’s real, it has to be real since Haru can see him too. Rin is tense, his body trembling just a bit. Sousuke presses a kiss to his shoulder then loosens his grip and turns Rin around. “You’re real,” He breathes, bringing a hand up to cup Rin’s cheek. The red-haired man closes his eyes and leans into the touch.

“I shouldn’t be here Sousuke.” He says softly.

“It’s my bachelor party,” Haru says, “you were supposed to help plan it.” 

“I shouldn’t have come… it’s not safe for you guys.” Rin insists.

“Stupid.” Haru crosses his arms. Sousuke wraps an arm around Rin’s waist and pulls him close. 

“Don’t you dare try and ditch me again,” he whispers into RIn’s ear, his voice low. Rin shivers a bit and presses closer. 

“Sousuke it’s not…” 

“You’re just going to skip my wedding?” Haru asks. He’s floating in the water again, his eyes closed. 

“No i-”

“You were going to lurk in the shadows there too then huh” Haru sighs and kicks his feet so he drifts to the other side of the pool.

“Just talk to us Rin. Whatever it is we’ll figure it out,” Sousuke rests his forehead against his boyfriends and looks into his eyes. “I can’t take you leaving again.” 

“Sousuke I can’t… if I hurt you then…”

“Do you still love me?” Sousuke asks. Rin jerks back and stares at him wide-eyed. 

“What kind of question is that? Of course, I still love you. Idiot.” he snaps. Sousuke cups Rin’s face with both hands.

“Then don’t leave me again. I need you.” Sousuke rests his forehead against Rin’s and looks into his boyfriend's eyes. Even in the dimly lit room they’re still bright. Like always they give away his emotions. Sousuke can see how torn he is, how much he wants to stay but something is holding him back. There’s some secret he’s trying to keep. Something he seems afraid of. 

“I… I want to Sousuke. I really do. I need you too… but I need you safe. I need to know that nothing’s going to hurt you. That… That I’m not going to hurt you.” Rin holds onto Sousuke like he’s afraid that he’s the one that will disappear. Sousuke closes his eyes and tries to think, what can he do or say to make Rin stay? Rin is afraid to hurt him but he’s been hurting all this time. He can’t tell him though, Rin’s always been so emotional. If he knew that he’d caused Sousuke pain then he’d take it out on himself, He’d want to find some way to punish himself. So Sousuke won’t tell. They’d both forgotten that Haru was still there though.

“Are you an idiot Rin?” Haru asks, he’d moved to sit on the edge of the pool while they’d had their reunion but now his blue eyes are narrowed with anger.. “Do you think any of us haven’t been hurt by you being gone?”

“Haru-” Sousuke needs to stop him. 

“No. Don’t protect him. He needs to hear it.” Haru gets out of the water and walks to the wall. He flips the lights back on then turns to face them. “I don’t know what your reason for disappearing was Rin, but I do know that you’ve been sneaking around all of us for at least a year now, maybe even longer. So I don’t care what your excuse is, you’ve been hurting us all.”

Rin’s grip on Sousuke’s shoulders tightens and he hangs his head, his hair falling in front of his face. It’s clear that Haru is pissed off. All the pain that he’s felt from Rin’s disappearing has turned into anger and the normally quiet man can’t contain it.

“Do you even know what we all went through? We searched for you. Everywhere we could think of. Me and Sousuke, your mom and sister, all of our friends. We dropped everything just to try and bring you home. When that didn’t work we waited for you. Every day for four years we waited for you, we looked through crowds trying to find you. “

“Did you think about what your disappearance did to any of us? You’ve been following us around right? Lurking in the shadows? Did you see Sousuke nearly drink himself into an early grave? Maybe you were watching the night Makoto found him half dead in an alley, or when he had to have another surgery on his shoulder because he pushed himself too hard trying to make you proud.”

“Haru that’s enough.” Sousuke snaps at him. He can feel Rin trembling in his arms, sees the tears falling to mix with the pool water. He holds Rin close and presses a kiss to his head. “I’m okay love. I promise. I don’t care about anything else as long as I’ve got you in my arms.” Rin’s fingers trace gently over the scar left on Sousuke’s shoulder. 

“Sousuke I…” Rin sniffles then lifts his head to look at Haru, “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t want to hurt any of you. Haru you know me. I couldn’t come back, I-”

“We’re all tired Rin. You should have let us know you were safe.” Haru picks his towel up off a bench and uses it to dry his hair. “I’m going to take a shower Sousuke. You’re still responsible for getting me home safe tonight so I’ll meet you at the car.” he turns away from the pool and walks into the changing room. 

Rin seems to be frozen. His whole body has gone still as he stares at the spot where Haru had been standing. Sousuke wishes that Haru had stayed silent. Rin’s going to run away now, Sousuke’s chest feels tight just thinking about it. He’s not sure he’ll be okay if the red haired man leaves his sight again. 

“I’m sorry Sousuke.” his voice is bitter. 

“It’s alright Rin. I’m ok-”

“Stop it!” Rin turns back to face Sousuke, the tears are flowing freely from his eyes now. “Stop it Sousuke. Stop trying to make me feel better. Stop lying to me.”

“Don’t be an idiot Rin. I was hurt. I was hurt for a long time but I don't care about that. I don’t care about the past because all I want is to be with you again. I want you. No matter what.” Sousuke insists.

“I’m not the same person I was before! I can’t just… come back like nothing happened. I can’t control myself.” He pulls himself out of Sousuke’s arms and moves quickly to pull himself out of the water. Sousuke barely has time to register what’s happening before Rin is running out of the doors. He’s never seen Rin move that fast before and somehow he knows that even if he chased after him he’d never catch up. Rin was gone once again. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating and for the short chapter. I have a toothache.

The ride back to the hotel is quiet. Haru leans against the door with his forehead resting on the glass. Sousuke keeps his focus on the road. He can feel the anger radiating off of the man sitting beside him. He’s kind of surprised to find that he’s not angry himself. Rin was right there, he was in Sousuke’s arms, they should be together still. Instead Sousuke was just a bit disappointed. He understood Rin, it was clear that his boyfriend wanted to stay, that leaving had been just as hard for him as it was for Sousuke to be left behind. Whatever it was that was keeping them apart really scared Rin. 

Sousuke finds a parking spot outside of the hotel he and Haru will be staying at that night. He and Makoto had decided they should try and be a bit traditional so they wouldn’t be seeing each other until the wedding tomorrow. Makoto was spending the night in his childhood bedroom. Haru’s parents had sold his childhood home years ago, Haru didn’t like to think about the new family living there now. 

“He’s stupid.” Haru says with a long sigh. Sousuke nods his head.

“He’s Rin of course he’s stupid.” He can’t resist the small smile tugging at his lips.

“You aren’t mad at him?”

“No, I wish he’d just talk to me but… I guess I just know Rin too well. Now that I’ve had more of a chance to talk to him I can see that he’s truly scared of something. He’s doing this because he wants to protect us.”

“If he thinks we’re in trouble then he should just stop being stupid and tell us so we can prepare.” Haru gets out of the car and slams the door. Sousuke rubs the back of his neck and lets out a long breath before he gets out as well to walk around the car. Haru is leaning against it with a frown on his face.

“You good?” he asks. Haru’s face scrunches.

“I shouldn’t have let Nagisa talk me into those last few drinks.” 

“Yeah probably not.” Sousuke pulls Haru up straight and helps him up to his hotel room. 

After depositing Haru in his room Sousuke goes next door to his own. He’s never liked staying at hotels. The empty bed taking up most of the room makes him feel more alone than anything. Sousuke drops his jacket onto the back of a chair without turning on the lights then makes his way to the bathroom to take a shower and wash the chlorine and smell of alcohol from his skin. He’ll have to be up early tomorrow to help Haru get ready for the wedding but after seeing Rin there’s not much chance of him actually getting any sleep. 

Sousuke gets out of the shower after rinsing the shampoo from his hair and wraps a towel around his waist as he makes his way back to the bedroom. He grabs a clean pair of boxers from his bag and pulls them on before dropping the towel onto the floor.

“You’re such a mess.” A voice comes from behind him. 

“Should I ask how you got into my room?” Sousuke hits the switch for the desk lamp then turns to face the bed. Rin smiles at him from where he’s seated in the center of it, wearing just a pair of sweatpants that Sousuke recognizes as his own.

“You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” The red-haired man shrugs one shoulder. 

“I was going to sleep in those you know.” Sousuke moves over to the bed and sits down on the edge of it, refusing to take his eyes off of his boyfriend. 

“Someone pulled me into a pool so I had to find something to change into. Besides… you look better like that,” Rin’s eyes trail over him.

“Where are your clothes then?” 

“Hanging in the bathroom to dry. I don’t know how you missed them.” Rin reaches out and trails a finger gently over the scar on Sousuke’s shoulder. 

“I’ve been dealing with a bunch of idiots all night.” He sighs and moves back to sit against the headboard. “I’m exhausted.” 

“Was it a good party?” Rin moves to sit between Sousuke’s legs and rests his back against the taller man’s chest. Sousuke smiles and holds him.

“It was fun,” he admits, “you were invited.” 

“Mm I know… I was watching.” 

“Are you going to tell me why you’re hiding?” he cards his fingers through the strands of maroon. Rin hums and leans into the touch.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” 

“I’ll believe whatever you tell me Rin.”

“I’m not even sure I believe it fully,” Rin turns over and wraps his arms around Sousuke’s waist. “I miss being touched.”

“Stay here and I’ll touch you until you get sick of it,” Sousuke is only half joking. He keeps one hand in Rin’s hair and with the other rubs his back. Rin sighs and melts against Sousuke. 

“I want that Sou… I do.” 

“There’s a but isn’t there.” 

“I might hurt you…”

“Tell me why.”

“It’s.. something… Something happened and I’m different now. I don’t understand it all myself but… I’ve become this… this monster. I’ve become a monster and if I slip up I could hurt you. I can’t let that happen, Sousuke. I can’t hurt you. Not ever.” Rin hides his face against Sousuke’s chest and squeezes him tighter. 

“Are you crying?” Sousuke asks when he feels something wet. 

“No, stupid” Rin sniffles and rubs his eyes with one hand. 

“Are you going to leave me again in the morning?” Rin stays silent so Sousuke squeezes him tighter and presses a kiss to his temple. “Just stay with me as long as you can then. Please.”

“I will.” Rin nods and sits up just enough to kiss him. Sousuke kisses him back, rolling them so that Rin is beneath him, caged in his arms. He wishes that he could keep Rin, that he’d be able to make him stay. But he won’t, he’s never been able to stop Rin from doing exactly what he wanted and he won’t start now.


	9. Chapter 9

Rin has always had a complicated relationship with sleep. It started right after his father passed away, every night he’d be plagued by nightmares. He’d jerk awake in the early hours of the morning from the sound of his own screams. It made Gou cry, it worried his mom until he caught her crying about it too. He decided then that he had to be stronger. He learned to muffle his screams into his pillow, to fake being well rested. Told his mom that the nightmares just stopped all on their own. 

He was ten when he finally figured out a solution to the problem, he’d been playing video games over at Sousuke’s house and they’d lost track of time. Sousuke told him he could spend the night and both their mom’s had agreed. Rin had been so excited at the prospect of having a sleep over that he hadn’t even thought about his nightmares until they were both settled for the night. Sousuke in his bed and Rin in a futon on the floor. Rin knew that even if he’d gotten good about not screaming that there was still a chance Sousuke would notice his nightmares, so he vowed not to fall asleep that night. He lasted for a bit, Sousuke fell asleep first and it was barely an hour later that Rin fell asleep as well. 

His dream that night was the same as always. He was in the ocean during a storm, all around him were the remains of a boat and the bodies of people that he knew. He could see the shore in the distance but no matter how hard he swam it never got any closer and the waves got worse and worse. Something deep in the ocean was grabbing him, trying to pull him down. Rin fought against it but he was getting weaker and weaker. Suddenly everything came to a stop. Arms wrapped around Rin’s waist and held him above the surface. The storm calmed and the sea became flat. Rin didn’t feel scared anymore.

When he woke the next morning he found Sousuke sleeping beside him, their heads resting on one pillow and Sousuke’s arms wrapped around his waist. They didn’t talk about it, Rin suspected that Sousuke must have known about the nightmares but he was gracious enough not to pry. Their sleepovers became more frequent and the two boys usually ended up sharing a bed. Rin didn’t have nightmares as long as Sousuke was beside him.

Of course things couldn’t always stay the same, in order to follow his father’s dream Rin needed to leave Sano and that meant he needed to leave Sousuke as well. He moved to Iwatobi and for a bit the dreams got even worse, especially after he realized he’d seen Haru and Makoto at his father’s funeral. Sometimes he goes days without sleeping, knowing that the dreams lay in waiting.

When he moved to Australia it became even harder to sleep. He couldn’t adjust to the time difference and the stress of trying to fit in and keep up made the nightmares even worse, now not only was the ocean trying to drown him but everyone else was swimming ahead of him, he was being left behind. He kept Sousuke’s letters tucked under his pillow and read them over and over on his sleepless nights. 

By the time he moved back to Japan he was fully used to a sporadic sleep schedule. He could function on the absolute minimum sleep and was able to hide his insomnia from his roommate, but then Sousuke showed up. Sousuke seemed to notice it right away. Even though they had been apart for so long Rin’s body knew that he was safe as long as Sousuke was near. Rin wanted to sleep so bad that without even thinking he’d pulled Sousuke into his own bed on their first night of living together. He had claimed that they both wanted the bottom bunk anyway and neither of them talked about the fact that Rin had practically passed out the second Sousuke’s arm was around his waist. Things had stayed the same for a while, Rin would go until he couldn’t anymore and then Sousuke would climb into his bed and hold him while he slept. Rin tried to deny his feelings for a long time, he was scared that it would be selfish of him to ask Sousuke for more. The first time they kissed he decided that he didn’t care anymore. He wanted Sousuke every way possible. Wanted to stay wrapped in his arms, even if it was selfish of him.

In a way he thinks that everything that happened in the last four years is probably his punishment for being so selfish. Since he’d been changed he didn’t need as much sleep anymore, he could go weeks without it, but eventually the time would come that he would have to sleep and it would never come. He’s not sure what really happened when he first changed. There’s a large gap in his memories. He knew that it had been January when he got on the plane back to Australia and by the time he was conscious of his surroundings again it was November. He tries not to dwell on it too much. On what he did in that time, on who he may have hurt, how many people he probably killed. 

He’d been found by a man named Tobias who was like Rin. He’d found Rin nearly feral and had taken him into his home. He gave him what he needed to survive, taught him how to control the blood lust and the new abilities that came with it. Despite never having been one himself he was able to remind Rin of his humanity, how the human side of him could coexist with the monster he’d become. He knows that he’s not supposed to call himself a monster. He knows that others like him are able to live side by side with normal humans but he’s terrified still. He needs to take blood to live now. How can he trust himself around the people he loves? How would he explain himself if he lost control? Hurt someone? 

Outside of Sousuke’s hotel room night is starting to give way, Rin had spent the night wrapped in his boyfriend's arms and feeling safe and loved but he knew that it was only a matter of time before he needed to drink and he doubts that Sousuke will let him leave once he wakes up. Hoping to avoid the argument he tries to slip out of bed carefully but he’s just barely moved when Sousuke’s hand on his hip tightens and he’s pulled close again.

“Don’t go.” Sousuke’s voice is thick with sleep and his teal eyes are just barely cracked open. Rin had gotten so used to sneaking out before Sousuke woke that he’s nearly forgotten how attractive his boyfriend can be first thing in the morning.

“I’m sorry Sou I’ve got to.” Rin whispers. He wants to stay, the idea of leaving makes him feel sick to his stomach.

“Not right now.” Sousuke turns so he’s lying across Rin’s chest and tucks his face into his neck. “Stay with me til I wake up.”

“You are awake.” Rin tries to keep his voice light.

“Rin,” Sousuke’s lips trail kisses along his neck and Rin knows that he’s going to give in. He barely made it the four years away from his boyfriend. When he was sure he could control himself for a little bit he’d sneak into Sousuke’s apartment, the apartment they were supposed to have lived in together. He needed to feel close to him. Rin knows that makes him selfish. He knows that his careless mistakes hurt Sousuke. Knows that the nights he snuck in when he knew Sousuke was too tired or too drunk to believe he was real were cruel but he’d wanted to be close, wanted to sleep beside him, even just for a little bit. He wondered if things could be different now. Sousuke had caught him finally and Rin wasn’t that upset about it. He knew that it was still dangerous but one look into those teal eyes and his heart just melted. 

“Until you wake up.” Rin agrees. He can feel Sousuke’s smile against his skin and he lets out a long sigh, he knows he’s screwed. Sousuke wraps himself around Rin, keeping the shorter man tucked beneath him. Rin cards his fingers through short brown hair and rests his lips against Sousuke’s temple. He can feel Sousuke’s heart beating but forces himself to ignore it. He’ll fight against any temptation if it means he can spend just a few more hours cuddling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tend to lean more towards dialogue for my fics but I wanted to give more insight into Rin's background so I felt like switching over to a more narrative style for this chapter would suit it better. But I'm not sure I'm totally comfortable with it so I'd love some constructive criticism.


	10. Chapter 10

Sousuke stands off to the side of the banquet hall, a glass of some sort of alcohol in his hand. He’s pretty sure Haru had handed it to him at some point before being dragged off to meet another one of Makoto’s seemingly endless family members. He was uncomfortable in his suit and the banquet hall was pretty warm with all the people in it. The wedding had gone off without a hitch and Sousuke had only had to keep Haru from stripping and jumping into the ocean once before Makoto had shown up. 

He was exhausted now though. He’d managed all his best man duties and now he was just watching the party. Haru and Makoto were making their rounds. Rei was keeping Nagisa out of trouble, though they both were spending a lot of time at the buffet. Gou and Seijirou were dancing and Sousuke would have cut in if he’d had the energy but Seijirou seemed to be behaving himself for the moment and his presence kept Momotarou from making a fool out of himself. Well, it helped that Nitori was there as well. Momotarou always seemed to be on his best behavior when Nitori was involved. 

The glass he was holding was empty now and Sousuke is just about to go get another drink when slender fingers wrapped around his wrist. He takes a deep breath then turns his head to look at the red-haired man beside him. 

“So you made it after all?” He takes Rin’s hand in his own and intertwines their fingers, holding on tight. 

“I couldn’t miss my best friend's wedding,” Rin shrugs then tucks himself under Sousuke’s arm. “How long do you think it’ll be before they all notice me?”

“Depends how fast Nagisa runs out of shrimp poppers. But if you’re going to take attention away from Haru and Makoto on their wedding day you might as well do it properly and make a big scene.” Rin chuckles at that and wraps his arms around Sousuke’s neck. 

“Well, then you should probably kiss me like you mean it then,” His red eyes flash with mischief and Sousuke decides that he’s going to do just that. He wraps Rin tightly in his arms and lifts him off the ground to press their lips together. For Sousuke, kissing Rin again feels like finally being able to breathe after being out of water. He’s not on his own this time. Rin is real, there in his arms. He can’t just vanish again. Sousuke hasn’t had nearly enough of kissing Rin when an excited yell comes from across the banquet hall.

“Rin!” Nagisa’s voice yells out. Everyone turns to look towards Sousuke at that moment and they all spot the redheaded man in his arms.

“Onii-chan!” Gou bolts across the room towards them. Reluctantly Sousuke sets Rin back down on his feet and loosens his hold but still keeps his hands on Rin’s hips to keep him from trying to run away just in case. 

Gou throws herself into her brother's arms and hugs him tightly as she starts to cry. Rin holds her, patting her back gently as he looks at the crowd of friends starting to gather around them. Nagisa doesn’t bother to wait his turn, he throws himself at the group attempting to wrap his arms around Gou, Rin, and Sousuke all at the same time.

Sousuke doesn’t dare let go of Rin. Their friends swarm around them trying to ask Rin questions and give him hugs, none of them bother to try and separate the two of them and Sousuke is grateful for that. He needs this right now. He needs to be able to hold Rin and to see that other people are acknowledging him. Sousuke needs to know that he wasn’t dreaming or hallucinating or just wishing. It’s real. Rin is real. He’s home, he’s safe with his friends. There’s a lot for them to talk about. A lot of things that need to be explained but that can happen later. 

Makoto is the next person to hug Sousuke and Rin together. He’s crying, though he claims they’re happy tears as he presses a bunch of kisses to Rin and Sousuke’s cheeks. He had been nervous before the wedding and Sousuke is sure that the brown-haired groom has had quite a few drinks at this point. Makoto always gets overly emotional when he’s drinking. 

As much as he’d love to get away from them all and take Rin back to his hotel room Sousuke knows that he can’t. Everyone else needs to see Rin just as much as he does. So they stay until the early hours of the morning. Until most of the party guests have left. Haru, Makoto, Rei, Nagisa, and Gou are the only ones left. Sousuke and Rin sit on the floor in the middle of the banquet hall with them. Rin tucked between Sousuke’s legs leaning back into his boyfriend’s chest. They’re all finishing off the alcohol that was left. Surrounded by debris of the party. 

“Okay!” Nagisa yells, perking up so suddenly that he knocks Rei’s glasses crooked. “I think we’re all now drunk enough! Rin it’s time for you to do some explaining!” 

“I’m not even drunk and you’re too loud,” Rin complains, he tugs Sousuke’s arms tighter around him and lets his bangs fall into his face. 

“Come on, come on tell us!” the small blonde demands. The others stay silent but it’s clear from their faces that they’re anticipating the answer. Sousuke tilts his head down and presses a kiss to Rin’s head. He wants the answer just as much as them, maybe more, but he’s not going to pressure Rin to answer.

“I don’t… It’s hard to explain. I don’t remember much about what happened at first. I was at the airport and I was going to get on the plane but I can’t remember if I actually did or not. I think… somewhere along the way there was a man and… he had weird eyes. Everything after that is just a jumbled mess. I’m missing like a year of memories… I get these flashes… and they’re not good.” Rin plays nervously with Sousuke’s fingers as he speaks.

“I was on my own… for a long time. But then this man named Tobias found me, he explained what had happened and he helped me to get control of myself again.”

“But what did happen onii-chan?” Gou hugs her knees to her chest, Seijirou’s suit jacket draped over her shoulders. 

“I was changed… I’m… I’m not like you guys anymore. I’m not human anymore.” Rin slips his fingers between Sousuke’s and gives his hand a squeeze, Sousuke squeezes back. He doesn’t really understand but the man in his arms is still his Rin and that’s what matters to him. 

“I’m not quite sure I understand,” Rei’s voice is slurred and his glasses are still skewed. He’d probably be trying to cling onto them all if his lap wasn’t full of Nagisa. 

“Look it sounds crazy okay. You guys aren’t going to believe me and you’re going to like try and lock me up in a mental hospital or something,” Rin keeps fidgeting and he’s staring hard at his and Sousuke’s hands instead of looking at the others. 

“Rin,” Haru’s voice is quiet but the tone is serious. He’d ditched a majority of his suit throughout the night, now all that’s left is the pants and a white undershirt. Makoto had made sure the reception hall they chose didn’t have any bodies of water big enough for him to soak in. 

“Fine fine, you don’t need to be all stern with me Haru,” Rin’s head drops back onto Sousuke’s shoulder and he closes his eyes as he takes a few deep breaths. “There’s… there are things out there that aren’t human… I mean all the legends and stuff have to come from somewhere… I got… The man that I saw, he was one of those things and he turned me… So… I’m a… I’m a vampire now.” 

“That’s impo-” Rei’s objection is cut off by Nagisa’s hand being shoved in his face.

“A vampire!?” Nagisa yells. Rin opens his eyes and glances to the side, trying to gauge Sousuke’s reaction. Sousuke squeezes his hand again and nods just a bit. Rin sits up again and takes another deep breath before parting his lips wide enough for the others to see as his canine teeth grow out into fangs. Nagisa scrambles off Rei’s lap and practically jumps onto Rin and Sousuke’s to get a closer look inside the red-heads mouth. “They’re fangs! Real fangs!” Sousuke pushes his face back. 

“Does that mean that… you drink blood?” Gou asks. Everyone flinches a bit at the question. Rin nods his head just a bit. 

“I do but… I don’t drink from people. Not anymore at least… I um… that guy I mentioned. Tobias, he’s a vampire too. I think he’s been around for a long time. But he helped me to figure out these new… well powers that I have. He helps with the blood thing too. I don’t know where he gets it from but he has like a store of blood. He gives me what I need to keep in control,” Rin explains. He keeps glancing at Sousuke, waiting for some sign that he’s going to be rejected. 

“What’s in it for him?” Makoto is stretched out on the floor with his head on his husband’s lap. He looks exhausted but happy, with his tux still fully on but looking seriously rumpled. 

“Nothing I guess… I mean he said that the way I was at first made trouble for him because I was in his territory or whatever. He’s kinda scary but I think he’s a nice guy. His mate is a witch but she’s got this totally cute face. They let me stay with them while I got the blood lust under control… It can still be iffy sometimes though, that’s why I wanted to keep my distance from everyone still. I don’t want to risk hurting anyone I care about,”

“I trust you,” Sousuke says softly. He presses a kiss to Rin’s cheek and then brings his free hand up to turn Rin’s head to the side for a proper kiss. 

“Me too,” Gou nods. “You’re important to all of us Rin and I know we’re all important to you. So I know you wouldn’t hurt us intentionally.” 

“You should have more faith in us,” Haru adds. “We’re friends. We’ll help you with whatever you need.” 

“No more running away you big scary cat!” Nagisa sits up on his knees and points a finger accusingly at Rin.

“It’s Scaredy cat,” Rei corrects. “I know that we don’t have the same history together Rin but I agree with the others. We’re all in this together.”

“You guys….” Rin blinks back the tears trying to spill from his eyes. “I’m… I’m happy to be home.” 

“Welcome home,” Sousuke turns Rin around and puts a hand on the back of his neck to pull him in for another kiss. “You’re still a crybaby,”

“Shut up,” Rin mumbles against his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long delay! life got dumb for a minute but I'm back now and I figured you guys all deserve some sort of ending. Thanks for putting up with me!


End file.
